Happy holidays!

It's the time of the year when everything gets busy! Christmas rush! The last two years, we spent Christmas abroad. So, it's kinda nerve wrecking again to have Christmas in the Philippines. Just the thought of preparation, cooking and relatives visiting give us that Christmas pain. But it's good to spend Christmas with family. It's good to spend Christmas at home.

Resilience has always been said to be the greatest trait of Filipinos. OFWs go abroad, search for a better life, adapt and succeed.  That's 11 million Filipinos scattered around the world - striving and soaring high. But are we really resilient? Or have Filipinos who stayed just chose to be passive while waiting for the support from OFW relatives?
I always get this complain or comment from the parents. "My kid is not happy." I cannot grasp that. I do not know how to handle that kind of complain. Happiness is so subjective. I can be happy stuck in the library while others will find that boring. It is soooooo vague. But parents have pampered their children so much that they give whatever they need ( that's okay) and they want. We need to train our children to adapt to different environment, to adjust. I always believe that happiness should not be determined by external things, but should be internal and intrinsic in one personal. It's what we call security. When we give our children security - love, peace of mind, I don't think they will ever need the affirmation from their environment.
The problem with parenting today is parents are soooo busy with other things - cellphones, androids, iPads, pcs, Facebook, that raising and spending time with their children is on the last of their "things to do". I remembered pastor peter talking about how he'd always make time to talk and chat with his children regardless of his schedule. His wife gave up work to spend time with the kids. Money can just go so far. But our relationship and communication with out children brings in respect, trust, faith, love and hope that will lead our children to their future, our family to the next generation. Heritage is not the amount of money or the big empire we pass on to our children. Heritage is our family culture and values lived and passed on to our children and our children's children. If we teach and pass on to our children our faith in God , our love for The Lord and our devotion to grow in life and faith, I believe the next generation of Dulays will be God fearing, God loving, perseverance and faithful Steward of God's kingdom and testimony.

I just encountered a battle today. The kind of battle that makes you stop - pause whatever you are doing and recalibrate. I even asked dek if dagupan really is not ready for quality and real learning. Then I remembered how local private school do teaching and learning. Last month, I was invited to observe one of the biggest private school in dagupan city. People have always labeled them as the 'it' school - doing everything right...they have oral exams, they have monthly awards, they have killer exams and they hired my rejected teachers (seriously!) . And so, I entered and observed their class. Their "great" teacher entered, brought out Manila paper and started making kids copy crap from the board. I was actually so clueless what they he'll they were doing. And I kinda realized it's their lessons. Of course having 5 Manila paper posts in front and making the kids copy everything on the board consumed the rest of the hour. And by the way, their classes are in 30 minute interval.
So, to make my story short that was their lesson - their class. Teachers make kids copy bunch of stuff, kids don't learn anything and thus go to tutors. Tutors are non- education graduate and makes kids memoriz bunch on irrelevant facts and parents are so happy their kids are so busy. Is that education? Is that learning? Is that quality?
Sometimes I scratch my head when they question everything we do at Oakridge, when all I see is real and genuine learning and teaching happening everyday. But if oh ask me , I still believe Oakridge is the best school.

Just need a refresher....a few hours back at oakidgeschool list my hair on fire! I just need a breather! Am I crazy or what? A grandma complaining today why we don't teach handwriting in writing class....told her writing class is for writing paragraphs, essays, research papers and thesis - not handwriting. Handwriting is an individual thing. You want your daughter or won't o improve his or her handwriting techniques, teach her....I really don't get why some people don't get that?! Is handwriting more important than the content of their essay? Duh?!!!!

Have a greats Friday,

We tried putting pearl necklace on my baby girl and it was just so adorable. I can't  deny the fact that we loooove pearls!

Being content and thankful

1. Being thankful
The Lord said in the bible, "in everything give thanks". We have often neglected to give thanks in small and big things that come our way. We neglect saying thanks to those who's serve us - from the yaya who helps us int he house, to the waitress in the restraints , and to our husbands. We don't say thanks because we feel we are entitled. This entitled mentality has corrupted even our relationship with other people. We feel that we have the right to be served. This kind of entitled mentality is what hinders us from being thankful and grateful.
2. How one keeps complaining and seeing what's wrong
We have always been complaining - from big things in our country to small things in our daily lives. I actually am guilty in this part. We tend to do self pity and see everything that's wrong in our life , and not realized that he lord has blessed us so much. I have a friend who does complain a lot. He complains about how his uncle ( who manages the company) lives a luxurious life, while they live a simple one. How their uncle goes to fine dining restaurants, while their family simply goes to middle class restaurants. Everyday , he complains about his uncle. Then, one sau, I just had it and told him, how blessed he is and how he should stop comparing his life with his uncle's. Often, we keep comparing our lives to other people and we pity ourselves. But why compare? The Lord does give each one of us talents according to our measure. If we are prudent and faithful stewards, The Lord will bless us with more.
3. Ungrateful heart
Our character and attitude is a manifestation of what is in our hearts. When we keep on complaining and comparing our lives with others, God will see that what we have in our heart is deceit. We really need to allow The Lord tore new us day by day, hat our heart be cleansed our spirit be burning with fire for The Lord. We need tor ealize that having an ungrateful heart is having evil in our hearts. It corrupts and usurps our being. I have met some people who are consumed by their pride. Because of pride in their heart, they refuse to show emotion - love towards their children and humility towards others. Because of their pride, they want to maintain a "macho" image forever. But real strength comes when we show humility and God's power strengthens us within. Real power comes from God, not from human capabilities. Real victory and success comes from God's power working within us.
4. Problem in our culture - complain
Last night, we had a great chat with a mom at school. She's also a dear friend. She has been experiencing a lot of challenges and problems in her personal life. Then we talked about how people (I.e parents) in the Philippines over reacts , attacks and insults teachers. People have lost their respect to teachers and have treated them like yayas. Remember the mom I told you about who's id she's busy running her business to pick up her kid, so the teachers should take care of her child? It's not jus one mom. Filipino parents have treated teachers like that. I have friends who are teaching in Manila who have been encountering the same thing. Parents - people have been so self absorbed that they complain about everything and anything. It's like a white sheet of paper with a tiny black dot in the middle.t hey focus on the black dot, than appreciate and make use of the whole white big part. It's micro- manage over macro manage. That's Filipino culture.  And we need to move pass this.
5. Secret to contentment
And the key is to learn to be content. We really need to ask The Lord to grant us a thankful heart, to learn to be content. We live in the society - in a world where everything leads to another. We keep on wanting for more. Materialism and commercializations have corrupted what's important in life. We need to see that it's not what God has planned for us. When God created us! it was not to buy stuff, or. To be fashionable. We need to realize the purpose of clothing, our housing, of cars, of food. Being consumed by "buying" mentality will simply make us worldly. And God is very clear in His word. " we are not for this world, nor of this world."

Submission to God's annointed

Submission to authority is the hardest thing a person should do in his life. We always think we are better and we know better. From our own parents to our husband to our local government officials to president, we always think we know better. How often do we neglect the rules, because we think it doesn't apply to us? How often do we ignore our parent's request and command because we thought its old fashioned? How often do we take our boss' instruction for granted because we think it's stupid?  Almost always. Human beings are born with a rebellious nature. But through God's grace and mercy, we learn to submit and trust in The Lord. Submission to authority is simply knowing and trusting that God is in control. People are in position, in authority not because of human interference, but because of God's sovereign arrangement.

Loopholes of parenting in the PHILIPPINES

I have always heard people saying, "The benefits of parenting in the philippines is having a yaya." While that it true, it also manifests how parents - Filipino parents have relied on yayas in parenting and raising the children. If majority of mothers in the country choose to work and depend on yayas - non biological, uneducated individuals to discipline and raise the next generation, what will happen to the next generation? I have often caught Nathan's yaya stare at the television and ignore Nathan. OFTEN! I have often caught his yaya shout at him. No wonder kids today think yelling and shouting are normal. I OFTEN caught her teaching wrong pronunciation to words. You can just imagine what kind of kids we will be having ....bisaya Filipino kids! I don't wanna put my kids' nannies down. But my point is disciplining and raising the kids should never be delegated to the yaya. As parents, we have the sole responsibility of training and raising our children. From ages 0 to 7, installing values and training should be our number one priority. Jot giving them material and financial support. As mothers, our primary goal is to give them strong family and biblical values that will guide and support their decisions in the future. We cannot just delegate this tasks to other people - yaya, school, tutors, etc. it's our job.

The problem with parents nowadays is that they are more scared to loose the nanny than to see their kids get hurt. We out our comfort above our kids. We think we will become Paralyzed when we don't have yaya. That's wrong! Millions of parents around the world survived without yayas. We should put our kids first.

Parenting is not a birth right, but a privilege. Pastor peter and Brother Francis kept reiterating last Saturday at the parenting seminar. Indeed, parenting is the hardest and most challenging thing we can ever do in our life -especially as mothers. Times have changed so much that both mom and dads have focused on work and careers to give all the material things and to uplift the standards of living of families. But what profits a man and a woman that he gains the whole world - acquires so much possession , but fails in raising their children. We kept on saying, 'my parents realized me this way. And it worked." How can you say that it really works when we - in our generation have failed miserably in making good decisions, following rules, respecting those in authority and ignored the Lord's speaking within? Acquiring material things is not a proof of successful parenting. Successful parenting is simply the inculcation of strong values that will guide the children in their decision making and in becoming a person according to God's heart. 

My baby girl is turning 8 months today! It seems like yesterday when I was waiting for her to come out. Now, it's been 8 months and she has grown a lot. She has been responding actively to everything around her. Her laughter of course brightens our home everyday. Her feeding schedule is still as crazy ( round the clock) . And breastfeeding is the best thing I have done for my children. I have never thought I can breastfeeding this much and this long. But it has been amazing. When I stop going to school to dedicate my time to The Lord, to my children and to my family, I have realized the most important thing in life - balance. I remembered my first child, I spend more time working than spending time with him. I have exerted all my efforts raising other people's children and neglected mine. I have made myself miserable by wasting my time trying to fix what I cannot fix in the first place. I end up not having genuine and real relationship with my son. You cannot turn back time. He cannot be an infant nor a toddler anymore. Wasted time is wasted time. It's wasted opportunity. I realized that all my efforts for the past yow years are just taken in vain. All my sacrifices for the school is just vanity of vanities. Going back to The Lord, I have seen that I need to set my eyes on Jesus. I have seen that fixing and making sure my family and spiritual life is strong to lead and inspire others at school is the key. And that's what I am doing.


By God's grace.

I have one stressful situation today at Oakridge. One parent has been complaining because the teaches and the principal have called her to pick her son up on time. It's been three years and the same scenario happens everyday - she drives her son to school LATE and pick him up LATE ( like in the evening). Of course being a very proactive school, we ask our teachers and even we ourselves stay with the student ( just to make sure nothing happens to him). But when we called the mom in today and told her to drive and pick up her son on time, she started talking about how we need to understand her, how she's juggling being a mom and being a businesswoman and how she's paying the school anyway. Of course, she just left answer felt disturbed after that.
Many many times we neglect other people's rights, feelings, situations. We are just so self absorbed that e complain every minor details in our lives and we disrespect other people's time. Teachers - specialLy Oakridge teachers are the highest level of professionals in the city I have ever met. They are expected to perform with the best academic and teaching skills, intestinal fortitude and more than anything moral values. They have met international standards and have been pursuing high expectations from both the admin and International educational community. Thus, they deserve to be treated with respect. RESPECT simple.
Many many times parents treat the teachers like nannies. They even say , "we pay them". That's one of the most demeaning things they can ever so. Because as teachers, we do not work for parents. We work for the LORD. We area countable to The Lord to shepherd, raise and teach the students He has given us. We do not work for parents. We work for our country. To produce highly competent ! Dedicated and patriotic FILIpinos who will bring our country to progress. We do not work for parents. We work for Oakridge's vision which is in line with God's stewardship and God's perfect will.
Thus, teachers need respect. Teachers need appreciation. Teachers need partnership. Parents need to stop treating us like the 'enemy'. And should start dealing with us as partners who will help them raise responsible, independent and self driven individuals who can make a difference everyday.

Reading foreign journalists' reports and blog about the typhoon ahi yan and the response of our government to the affected areas, I cannot help but wonder, "will Filipinos change our ways, our priorities in life, our way of choosing government officials, our "un systematized"  approach to situations and our culture?" It is clear we need a culture change. Not that we need to remove the loving, kind-hearted nature of Filipinos. But we need to start seeing that we should plan, we should be ready and we should stop the "Bahala na " attitude.
It funny and a bit alarming when one journalist said before helping out in the Philippines, you need to have some level of tolerance on chaos. That's so true. Not just in typhoon hit areas. Once you reach the country, you need to be ready for chaos. Once the plane lands at NAIA, you will be welcomed by taxi drivers , hotel representatives, tour guides that offer packages and bunch of people waiting. If you jut came from a 12 hour flight, wouldn't you feel clueless and lost?
We really need to put order and a systematic approAch to our lives. Not just in government offices. I recalled one mother at school saying, "Oakridge is like utopia - it's so idealistic. What will happen when kids graduate and see the chaotic world? Aren't they prepared for chaos?" I have one clear answer to that, would you want your kids to be used to systematic approach to things, to organized world, so that when they go out in the REAL world, they'd be the channel , the avenue where change is truly implemented. These people in charge - government officials who grew up in an un systematized world. They travel - true. They see organized, effective societies. But they don't really study how they work, what they do yo make their communities effective. I recalled Jesse Robredo. His dedication and commitment to give structure and system to naga has paved the way for true change. Having studied at Harvard JFK School of Governance, he wanted to implement structure in his town - because he knows it is the ONLY way to progress. All countries who have progressed and reach efficient status have a structured and organized way of doing things. So when foreign journalist say, people who help in the Philippines need to have some tolerance on chaos is just an eye opener, a smack in our face that hey we need to wake up , people.
I truly hope this is an eye opener to everyone. I hope we don't resist change. I hope we vote for the quiet people.  I hope it's not just for show.

I remembered our wedding march was "great is Thy faithfulness". I have always felt how The Lord has planned and taken control of things in our lives. But many times we loose track, become proud and try to maneuver things our own way. Many many times, we ignore His speaking and leading within and do things our way. Many many times, we loose sight of God's perfect will and do just as we please.
As parents, we tend to react to our children according to the flesh. We are so quick to anger and shout at them. We loose our temper easily. And let's admit it, when we loose our temper , we loose our self control, eventually our image as role models. I have always believed that children do copy us - adults all the time. As a preschool teacher, I have caught my student mimicking me and copying my movements. It's so funny! Once, I caught my student say , "Kwan" - an Ilocanos expression I have. How my female students want to grow their hair long because I have long hair. As a mother, it becomes difficult. Because of your temperament and your son's manipulation, we cannot help but loose our temper. And i felt really bad every time it happen. So, after the marriage retreat we had last September, I have dedicated my motherhood to The Lord and asked for The Lord to give me wisdom and much more grace in dealing with my kids.
As it turns out, when you learn to let go of your standards, pray for your children and spend more time with them, you develop relationship that will usher in communication, affection and even obedience. I have experience Nathan giving in and obeying once we had good communication.

Watching and listening to the disaster that happened in central visa has, you cannot help but see how fragile human life is and how certain things that pound us to the ground. It makes us go back to wh t is important and valuable in life. It's not those trophies, those high grades, those money, those material possession that we have acquired throughout these years. It's about our relationship with God. In the midst of disaster, we go back to The Lord and learn to kneel and give everything back to Him.
Heard a great message yesterday at church. The message was about learning to kneel and submit everything to The Lord to be able to conquer and overcome challenges in our lives. He gave examples on how he experience the Lord's conquering powers, by allowing ourselves to be subdues by God. Many many times, we put things in our own hands, trying to control bits and pieces in our lives. One thing is we are restless, we don't know how to wait for The Lord's perfect timing. One thing is we are proud and reckless. We just want what we want and we'll do it regardless of who we hurt and how we do it. It's just human nature. But man was made to be filled with God. Man was made to have God. But when we are proud and reject God's control in our lives, disaster starts to happen.
I myself have experience the Lord's dealing in a tremendous way. Oakridge is for God, from God and for God's move in the country. But when problems come, I take things in my own hands and start solving it. But the L ord chastened me many times. I even thought of just compromising and giving in to parental requests. But The Lord chastened me. He showed me that I need to give up and surrender everything to Him. And that if Oakridge is for Him, He will lead the way. Today, I have closed my eyes, I am walking by faith and I have consecrated Oakridge back to Him. Everyday, I fight with myself. I face anxiety everyday. But if it's God's way of subduing me and chastening me to obey Him, I will just say amen to Him.

Obedience is better than sacrifice.

I was once asked why we, Filipinos used to put our families' name and degree outside our houses in stones. I have always thought it's like part of our culture or tradition. But this deeply rooted culture is a manifestation of a Filipino attitude where we like to show off a lot. We like to show that we are doing GREAT. We like to show off our kids are getting high grades. It's just funny! Today, when I opened my Facebook, I saw someone posting her honor roll certificate from a local school. And my initial reaction was " oh! That shows how good you are in memorizing bunch of useless facts". It was an impulse by the way. Just my reaction to that kind of stuff.
To tell you the truth, I'm soooo good in memorizing. I'm so good, I've memorized books of the bible. But it doesn't really make sense. You memorized so many things and end up forgetting and ignoring the value. That's not education. That's not learning. That's just plain "show off". Philippine education is so hypocritical that everyone just wanna show how good they look. But deep inside , you can see all the cracks and diseases in the system. They focus so much on programs, pageants - and not spend time on what's important - installing values and skills necessary for nation building. And of course what do you expect our country to be when majority of the schools in the country are just sooooo pathetically involve in outward appearances? We end up with shallow society.
At the end of the day, it doesn't matter whether you are in the honor roll, whether you are top one or rank 50. What matters is how you will do in life. We have so many friends who are not in the top ten at traditional schools, but you made their first million while in college. You cannot bring your honor roll certificate when you apply for your first job, or even apply at ateneo. But you do need - critical thinking, analysis, good character, great work ethics and an Oakridge education.
I believe that. That's why my kids go to OIS. If we compromise and end up just "trying to please dagupan parents" by simply going back to read and memorize, I'll take my kids to Manila.

I believe that Quality Time is the key to produce God-fearing, God-centered and Christ committed followers in our next generation. Without spending quality time with our children, we simply cannot have quality conversation, bond and even instill our faith in them. Most of the time, parents simply GIVE what children needs without understanding that its actually them and their time that matters to their children and that will truly shape their children's minds and hearts. I am simply blessed that Dek has always chose to spend time with me and the kids over work, friends and even masonry. He has always put God first and family next. And I truly praise and thank God for that. Nevertheless, our work doesnt stop there. Turning off our computers and phones and choosing to have quality conversation and time with our children is one of the hardest thing to do. Being connected on the internet and doing all sorts of stuff like facebook, even blog preoccupy us so much that we neglect engaging in real conversation with our children and even with our spouse. 

In our visit to Seoul, one thing struck me the most that I told Steve immediately how sad it was. Everyone is cellphone dependent, everyone use their phone and gadgets everywhere and everytime. You hardly see people talk- engage in conversation. Everyone either uses their cellphone, reads or sleeps (in the subway). Nobody really talks. So when you see a bunch of people laughing and talking , you'd know they are tourists. At their Museum, Nathan and I were fighting over the blocks. Then I started looking at other people and mothers simply make their children roam around the museum, while they use their cellphone and gadgets. It bothered me so much that I hugged Nathan and engaged him in conversation. 

I love traveling. Thats very clear. I love visiting new places- walking down the streets to discover culture, people and history. I love learning from other people. I love listening to their life experiences. More than anything, I love looking at life in a bigger picture- seeing where we are and appreciating things. Thats what travel does to me...makes me see things in a bigger picture.
Coming home from a first world country, I was confronted with the question, "why is our country the way it is? why hasnt we progressed over these years?" And throughout the trip, I saw how different people in other countries (first world countries ) are and how they live life. From a fast paced life where time matters alot, you go home to the Philippines where everybody relaxes and time just simply stands still. It's kind of crazy. It makes you realize that we are indeed in the countryside. We are very relaxed. while other countries are in a race to complete with the rest of the world, we, Filipinos are sooooo relaxed - enjoying life, living each moment. And yes...cherishing time.
But on the other hand, if we want our country to be a first world country, if we desire in any way life that is globally competitive and at par with first world countries, we better get our lives starighten out and start taking things seriously and efficiently.
Before leaving the country, we had to park in the airport parking. The security guad told us that parking lot was full and that he will allow us to park in airport employee's parking (ofcourse we just need to give him money). and so we did. We parked at employee's parking on the road going to the proposed airport parking building. I have no complain. It was very...convenient for us. I even told my husband not to take his photo, so as not to harm the guard. But as our plane flew, I realized that our convenience is what makes our country like this....stagnant. Our desire to get away with rules, our desire to be treated "special", our desire for convenience have stopped our growth as a nation. We no longer see things according to the Common Good. We simply want things our way. Thus, we live in a country where the rich get what they want, the middle class aiming to be rich ( to get what they want) and the poor suffer (because they simply dont have a choice).
When we reject every attempt to put structure and rules in our community, in our lives and even in education, we make ourselves enslaved by this perverted system more and more. We make our country harder to progress and develop. We make our Filipino brothers enslaved by this corrupted "system" (the absence of the system). and we live in a chaotic, law-less world.
Now you know why I want my Oakridge kids to study abroad. You know why I dont stop our teachers to go abroad. and why my kids will be going abroad to study, live their lives , earn, make a living and come home to contribute to CHANGE.

We often hear people say "they dont appreciate me" or "no appreciation at all". These are like one of the most common complain or sentiment of depressed and sad people I talk to. They - well we feel unappreciated all the time. It seems like our efforts and everything we have done means nothing to other people, especially people that matters to us. Being affected about other people's complains drains and even pushes us to depression. I myself felt that way all the time. Being easily affected by people around me- even those of I dont know, I end up living my life according to their standards. But I realized that we ourselves are unappreciative of what God has done for us. We do not even care to thank Him for everything- small and big things. Thus, we go through challenges which reminds us to put our faith and trust Him.

I just need to unload now. I feel like educating and making parents in dagupan city realize what's important is life is almost impossible. More and more I feel that dagupan city is not ready for change, to deviate from the norm and to improve. I know The Lord has placed us in situation for His move and testimony. I just hope I have more strength to stand up for the Lord, for The children and for our country.