Its kinda frustrating here doing what i do. Do it right people dont appreciate. Do it wrong prople complain like hell. Its like everything you do do not really matter. Its just frustrating and i just wanna let go. Allow God for He is truly in control. Many times ive put thongs in my hand leaving me miserable when it doesnt go to plan. My biggest pain had been about broken loyalties. That had been my greatest fear and thus my eeakness. Ive slways valued loyalty because its what my dad modelled and taught me. But in this day and age where prople do not really care, i find myself betrayed all the time. And the Lird has taught me to look unto Him in all things. None of these things are in my control.

Today, I am once again faced with some of my greatest fears -  not being good enough. I have always feared of being not good enough towards my family, my marriage even even towards work. So every time a  challenge comes crawling in, my first reaction is - self-pity. Feeling helpless, I remembered what God has spoken to me for the last three months. From the beginning of this year (last January), the Lord has forced me to surrender everything to Him. To tell you the truth, I got really depressed last January. I felt like everything on my plate is...gone. Everything fell not according to my plan. and so I did gave up and started depending on the Lord.
This morning , same thing happened. I tried fixing and doing things according to my perspective. But the Lord has taken things again out of my hand and reminded me that He is in control. When he does that, i used to struggle and fight. But today, I simply surrender.
Indeed, anxiety can really paralyse us and cripple us in times when we need the Lord more. But as it cripples in, we need to remind ourselves to look away unto Jesus and simply surrender everything to Him, anchor our life on His promises. For He said, "For my grace is sufficient unto you, for my power is perfected in your weaknesses." and "I know my plans I have for you. Plan to proposer you and not to harm you." Indeed our life here on earth is simply temporary. And all we need to do in depend on Him.